


The Records of Pesterchum

by verifiedSanctuary



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bleh, Dirk is confused, I don't know how to Dirk, I suck XD, Jake confesses at the worst possible moment, Multi, Plot What Plot, Sadstuck, Stuff, This was an RP in reality, comedic, i dont even know anymore, transitioning to really
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-28 16:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7647781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verifiedSanctuary/pseuds/verifiedSanctuary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever wondered what AU timelines, Post-SBURB players, and dead sessions talk about when they're not on screen?<br/>Well here you go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DIRK: Confuse yourself.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [A lot of people](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=A+lot+of+people).



> Welcome. To the very first chappie of TRoP!  
> I know, I could've used logs, but really. Where's the fun in that?  
> Hehe.  
> All credits go to whoever was RPing at the time. (mostly myself and another rper i do it with but meh)  
> I have this other one...but....O///////O  
> It's rated Mature.  
> But sometimes the pesterlogs belong to me! Like I thought them up all the way. Just...watch out, 'kay?  
> Thanks.

\-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 18:42 --

[06:42] GT: Hey Strider.

[06:42] TT: Sup Jake.

 [06:43] GT: What's up?

[06:43] TT: You know, fishing for some food, gathering robot materials, the usual. Did you want to tell me anything Jake?

[06:44] GT: ...Can't I say hi to you?

[06:46] TT: You could, but I was merely acting on the assumption that you had wanted to tell me something, hence me asking you the exact sentence I briefly explained.

[06:46] GT: Well, um.

[06:47] GT: There could be something we could speak about, but it's quite awkward and I don't know how you'd react.

[06:47] TT: Just go ahead and lay it on me, Jake. I can take it like a man.

[06:47] TT: Unless you can't?

[06:49] GT: I can take it, don't test me...I, um...have a few feelings for you that are far off from a friend's feelings that he should have for a fancied friend.

[06:50] TT: Are you saying you have a crush on me, Jake?

[06:50] TT: Because it definitely sounds like it.

[06:50] GT: Gadzooks, Strider, I was trying to get it out slowly!

[06:51] TT: Well you should've known by now that I can read people easily.

[06:51] TT: I pick up on the signs.

[06:51] GT: Eh.

[06:53] GT: I thought rejection would feel more like pulling off a bandaid; quick and easy.

[06:53] TT: Did I say I was rejecting you?

[06:53] TT: Honestly Jake.

[06:53] GT: Well, I just suspected that- What?

[06:53] GT: You AREN'T rejecting me??

[06:53] TT: Not exactly.

[06:57] GT: What do you mean, "Not Exactly"?

[06:57] TT: I mean I can't exactly reject you, nor can I accept your confession.

[06:58] GT: You've still got me on a leash here, what?

[06:58] TT: Jake, if you had told me this a few weeks back I would've said yes.

[06:59] GT: Oh bollocks, has someone else confessed already?

[06:59] TT: No.

[06:59] GT: Oh.

[07:01] TT: That's it? 'Oh'?

[07:02] GT: I don't know how to bloody respond! I was ready for a rejection, not whatever the hell this display is!

[07:03] TT: Its called being really, really confusing to myself, Jake.

[07:03] TT: I don't know anymore.

[07:04] GT: Do you love someone else...?

[07:04] TT: I don't know either.

[07:06] GT: Oh..

[07:07] TT: Yeah, oh.

[07:07] GT: Do you love Roxy? Jane?

[07:07] TT: No.

[07:08] GT: So, you have no fancied feelings for anyone?

[07:08] TT: I don't know, Jake.

[07:08] TT: It's all fumbled up and I can't make sense of anything.

[07:14] TT: Jake I want you to answer me honestly.

[07:14] TT: Are your tear ducts acting up?

[07:16] GT: If you mean I'm crying, they're only watering.

[07:17] TT: I…

[07:17] TT: Fuck.

[07:17] TT: I'm sorry, alright?

[07:17] TT: Dammit.

[07:17] GT: Don't apologize.

[07:18] TT: What do you want me to do then, Jake?

[07:18] TT: I thought being honest with you would work.

[07:18] GT: I don't know.

[07:19] TT: Obviously I should've just said something else.

[07:19] GT: Sometimes, the truth hurts. Especially when the only thing I've wanted all of my life was to be loved.

[07:19] TT: Jake.

[07:19] GT: What?

[07:20] TT: ...

[07:20] TT: I...

[07:20] TT: ...

[07:20] GT: I'm sorry.

[07:20] GT: I shouldn't have said anything.

[07:21] TT: No, I think it was best for both of us that you told me this.

[07:21] GT: Why? How?

[07:21] TT: Because it clears something up for me, even just a bit.

[07:21] TT: I just don't really understand what.

[07:22] TT: It just feels like there's this huge weight that's been lifted off my shoulders.

[07:22] TT: I guess I should thank you.

[07:22] GT: Don't thank me. It was nothing.

 07:35] TT: Jake... I just...I don't know how I feel about you anymore, alright?

[07:36] GT: A...Alright.

[07:36] TT: ...

[07:36] GT: I should let you know something.

[07:36] TT: Yes?

[07:36] GT: Roxy's pretty upset with you.

[07:37] TT: Why.

[07:37] GT: She was looking over my shoulder when you said that you didn't have feelings for her.

[07:37] GT: She's pretty hurt.

[07:38] TT: Jake, she's with me right now.

[07:38] TT: What are you talking about.

[07:38] GT: She left, Dirk.

[07:38] GT: My house, at least.

[07:38] TT: Dude. She was with me ever since I started talking to you.

[07:39] GT: Roxyception?

[07:42] TT: That isn't even a thing Jake.

[07:42] GT: Sorry, I know.

[07:44] TT: But dammed if it ain't funny as hell.

[07:44] GT: Heh.

[07:45] TT: ...

[07:45] TT: So.

[07:45] GT: What

[07:45] TT: Nothing.

[07:46] GT: Alright..

[07:46] GT: You should talk to Roxy, though.

[07:47] TT: ...She's not on.

[07:47] TT: Also she's currently trying to kill herself right now the way I did.

[07:48] GT: What-

[07:48] GT: Why?

[07:48] TT: I don't know she just suddenly grabbed the box I have and putting it on her head.

[07:49] TT: "Decapitation sounds fun" I think she said.

[07:49] TT: The person I share an account with poofed it somewhere else though.

[07:49] GT: Maybe it

[07:49] GT: Maybe it was what I told her?

[07:50] TT: I don't think you could get her to do that Jake.

[07:50] TT: Much less trigger her into doing something like that.

[07:50] GT: Oh.


	2. DAVE: Oh shit that was close.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 15:38 --

[03:38] TG: hey bro

[03:38] TT: Hey, man. 'Sup.

[03:38] TG: not much

[03:38] TG: just wanted someone to talk to is all

[03:38] TG: everyone else aint asnwerin

[03:38] TG: so

[03:38] TG: yeah

[03:40] TT: Most are likely busy, I guess.

[03:41] TG: i know

[03:41] TG: but like

[03:41] TG: what for

[03:41] TG: its not like we need to anything else anymore

[03:42] TT: Usual business they do. How the fuck would I know. It's not like I'm playing the overseer but you know.

[03:42] TG: meh

[03:42] TG: sorry

[03:42] TT: You sound like something's in your head though. Anything up, bro?

[03:42] TG: just kinda wonderin

[03:42] TT: It's cool.

[03:42] TG: anyway

[03:42] TG: you doing anything interesting?

[03:44] TT: Not at the moment, no.

[03:44] TT: I've mostly been chilling.

[03:44] TT: You?

[03:45] TG: trying to chase someone down

[03:46] TT: Chase who now?

[03:46] TT: What happened?

[03:46] TG: shit went down

[03:46] TG: i think i entered some sort of alternate universe

[03:46] TG: i dunno

[03:46] TG: anyway

[03:46] TG: someone just stole a thing of mine

[03:46] TT: Oh shit. You did made it out in one piece though so that's good?

[03:47] TT: And that would be?

[03:47] TG: i dunno what it is

[03:47] TG: the lady who told me about it just said it would help me get back

[03:47] TG: looks like some sort of weird glowy thing

[03:47] TG: hell if i knew

[03:47] TT: Some time amulet shit?

[03:48] TG: doesnt look like an amulet tho

[03:48] TG: SHIT

[03:48] TG: fuck

[03:48] TG: okay okay i think i dodged that one

[03:48] TG: did i mention i was also being chased

[03:48] TG: fuck

[03:51] TT: Yeah, you're getting pretty vague here, man.

[03:51] TG: shit shit shit wait

[03:51] TT: Why the hell are you being chased anyway?

[03:51] TT: Did you do something...

[03:51] TG: demons that look vaguely like some of us

[03:51] TG: shit

[03:51] TG: an alternate me

[03:51] TG: too

[03:51] TT: Dave, what the fuck?

[03:51] TG: yeah i know

[03:52] TG: but to be honest weve seen weirder so why the hell does this surprise you

[03:53] TT: That's because I am honestly surprised to see your puny ass getting into trouble where you seem to be hogging all the fun and I am not even invited.

[03:53] TT: That's harsh, man.

[03:53] TT: Where's the amulet? You have to find that shit.

[03:53] TG: its right in front of me

[03:53] TG: rather

[03:53] TG: the ass who stole it anyway

[03:53] TG: three way chase i think

[03:54] TG: zlknawiabpjal

[03:54] TG: okay shit

[03:54] TG: fuck

[03:54] TG: oh my god how the hell are they so fast

[03:54] TG: oh right wait

[03:54] TG: inhuman

[03:54] TG: right

[03:54] TG: anyway

[03:55] TT: Grab the fucking amulet. Fight the shit out of it, bro.

[03:55] TG: okay grabbing it yeesh

[03:55] TG: oh FUCK

[03:55] TT: Did they get you?

[03:55] TG: nah

[03:55] TG: close call though

[03:55] TT: Good now double time.

[03:55] TG: man am i ever thankful for the iphone change

[03:56] TG: aight aight jeez

[03:56] TG: no need to get all excited

[03:57] TT: Yeah I've been sitting with my ass on a cold hard concrete waiting for your scrawny ass to get back in the Alpha timeline. We cannot afford you being dead.

[03:58] TG: bruh

[03:58] TG: the games done

[03:58] TG: why would i end up dead

[03:58] TG: plus if it were the case

[03:58] TG: that wouldnt even be the alpha timeline anymore

[03:59] TT: Uhuh, sure. And you telling me you ended up in an alternate dimension means that you used time powers which the game provided wasn't a thing then that's bullshit.

[03:59] TG: yeah

[04:00] TG: problem

[04:00] TG: glitch most probably

[04:01] TT: Your brain is glitching right now for making up that bullshit now where the hell are you?

[04:01] TG: no no

[04:01] TG: like the game mostly glitched out once we were done

[04:02] TG: so like

[04:02] TG: we managed to keep our powers for some gods be dammed reason

[04:02] TG: the gods being us by the way

[04:03] TT: Retained our powers from the SBURB's glitch right after we have succeeded to create the new universe and all that shit?

[04:03] TG: yeah

[04:03] TG: exactly

[04:03] TT: Uhuh. Whatever.

[04:03] TG: right well if you really just dont want to believe me fine

[04:04] TG: try looking for a woman who has the initials VS

[04:04] TG: if you cant

[04:04] TG: im totes sure youre on the true alpha timeline

[04:04] TG: like with no glitches or whatever

[04:04] TG: man how do you even know whether you keep the powers or not

[04:04] TG: you didnt finish the game right

ERROR! Could not load any more data.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fucking shit.  
> This. This right here.  
> PAIN.  
> God.  
> Lemme just...try to get some feeling back into my back again...  
> (TvT)b  
> I'll be fine in an hour.  
>  _Probably._


End file.
